Upgrade
Upgrade is like an Ayn Rand convention, where everyone thinks they’re much more clever than they really are. On an almost scene by scene basis this movie undercuts its own logic in a rush to get to its big, dumb-ass obvious climax.
Tag: 2018
Tully
Cody wrote and Reitman directed Juno, Young Adult and now Tully. In every one of them, they substitute a sense of real adulthood with a take that feels like an ambitious high school class kid making a musical version of Dicken’s Bleak House.
Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider spends a shitload of screen time having characters tell us that Lara and her dad are both brilliant. It spends no time showing us that they are.
Stan & Ollie
The movie hardly conveys why Laurel and Hardy were great comics. It doesn’t dwell on the past and only includes Laurel and Hardy movie clips over the end credits. A kid watching this would just think it’s just a couple of old men telling corny jokes and wheezing.
Sorry to Bother You
There is something exciting about watching an unrestrained movie, one that projectile vomits fresh ideas and jokes onto the big screen. This is especially true when the typical movie experience is becoming increasingly sanitized and safe.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Well, that was unnecessary.
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Ralph is so of-the-moment that it already feels stale. Its themes are so tacked on that they won’t resonate. Kids won’t come back to this movie when they’re older and see deeper meaning in it. There is none.
Pacific Rim Uprising
If a monster climbing the side of a mountain while humans think of some way to stop it doesn’t sound very exciting, it’s because it isn’t. It’s fucking lame. And so is Pacific Rim: Uprising.
Oceans 8
Ocean’s 8 is polished and refined, glossy like those two-inch thick fashion magazines full of crap nobody ever wears. That shit is a circle jerk for people who give a rat’s ass what other people’s shoes cost.
Mortal Engines
The movie’s basic premise is a giant what the fuck. Maybe it works in a paperback geared toward twelve-year-olds, but it sure as hell fails as a blockbuster.