A lesser Hollywood transgression is The Animal. It’s really hard to write a review about a movie as lame and tame as this, and I’m actually a little sad my retard cousin Larry wouldn’t go see it with me because it’s Chocolate Milk Day at the home. The Animal is just a boring, laughless and plotless mess.
The story starts slower than a 400 meter race at the Special Olympics. You sort of want to shake the participants and yell “Go that way and speed it up!”
This is a bad, expensive movie. Get off your high-fucking horse, Hollywood. If you want to make a message, have some fucking clue what it is, and some conviction that is stronger than your slutty desire for cash.
The plot drags itself along like a man who just had his legs bitten off by sharks. It flops, stumbles and leaves a trail of blood to the spot where it finally dies and all I can think is, why didn’t someone put it out of its misery quicker?
It’s worth seeing, it’s fan-fucking-tastic to look at. But it’s a God damn shame Linklater didn’t have enough imagination to see the ideas come to life.
