Rarely Asked Questions

If there were “frequently” asked questions it would mean I: 1) was popular; 2) doing a shitty job explaining the most basic information with my site; or 3) hiding the things people most want to know.

The first two aren’t true and I am still hiding some things best I can. All that’s left are the rarely asked questions.

  1. Where are the rest of your reviews?
    They’re coming. Just hold your fucking horses. Every time my site crashes because I forget to update some piece of code, all the reviews are gone. Sure, I back all this shit up, but I have no clue how to restore anything. So, I have to go in and copy everything into the new site manually. It sucks, but that’s how it works.
  2. Your site looks shitty.
    Not a question but indubitably true. I’ll try to make it prettier as I figure this shit out. I ain’t rich and I ain’t smart, and I need one or the other to have a pretty web site.
  3. So, your site will get better?
    C’mon. You should know me better than that by now.
  4. I’m a computer guy and I can help you.
    Still not a question, and no you can’t. You can only fuck up my shit even more. Just like the court-ordered alcoholism counselor and the public school system. I’m perfectly fine with the status quo of fucked-uppedness. If I need help I will ask for it. Until then, go wherever you computer guys go to make fun of people with shittier graphics processors than yours.
  5. Why didn’t you like <insert movie title here>?
    Oh, man, you should read the review I wrote. It probably answers that exact question.
  6. You’re a fucking loser, Filthy.
    True. But at least I’m not the person getting so worked up about words on some irrelevant web site.
  7. Will you review <insert movie title here> for me?
    No.
  8. You need to check out <insert movie title here>!
    I probably don’t, and I probably won’t, but feel free to throw it out there, especially if I can get my hands on it for free and / or it has a lot of naked women in it.
  9. Will you review this movie my friends and I made?
    Yes, if it’s on Pornhub.
  10. Can I party with you?
    I can think of nothing I want to do less, or anything that would be more disappointing for you. So, no.
  11. Where many?
    Eleven.

I hope that clears things up.