American Pie
If I were still a stupid teenager all hopped on model glue, American Pie would be the only movie I’d need. It would be my everything, my Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Star Wars and Sorority Sluts all rolled into one.
Category: Movie Reviews
American Movie
What makes American Movie work are the scenes of average guys, like us, living in our dirty houses, driving beat up old piece of shit cars, dealing with nasty toenails, working crappy jobs, and also pursuing our dreams.
American Beauty
As an audience, we’re turned around. I went into American Beauty expecting the same-old satire of suburban life, nailing the same old targets. I expected the Hollywood goat-cheese-eaters to say that people in the suburbs are boring, conservative and only care about property values, because Hollywood loves saying they’re better than the rest of us.
Alone in the Dark
All of the actors who passed on the script for Alone in the Dark smelled this heap of shit while it was still in the mail truck down the street. But Slater, Reid and Dorff either didn’t smell it or thought it had the pleasing odor of their own farts.
Almost Famous
Almost Famous is brilliant moviemaking for all the people in their forties who bitch about today’s music and still listen to their shitty Pink Floyd records. It’s great nostalgic cinema for a time when rock and roll was at is worst and its fans were at their most moronic.
Solaris
Solaris raises interesting questions, and then it answers them before it dares let an audience do anything as dangerous as think for itself. There are long, dull passages of dialog that don’t illuminate the issues. Instead they lay them out like a textbook.
A. I.: Artificial Intelligence
The story starts slower than a 400 meter race at the Special Olympics. You sort of want to shake the participants and yell “Go that way and speed it up!”
Affliction
It shows us two things. One, that it is damn near impossible to avoid the lessons our parents taught us, no matter how fucked-up they are. Two, it teaches us that Coburn became an asshole through the same process and probably against his will.
Aeon Flux
The plot, which hit us in drab greasy blobs of expository dialog is some goth kid’s wet dream about cloning and a perfect society collapsing because the clones are beginning to remember past lives, and some asshole who wants to live forever killing off women who get pregnant because that means no clones.
Adventureland
It’s better written and deeper than I expected, and it feels pretty damn real and sincere up until it’s last thirty minutes.