Bad News Bears (2005)
Linklater: “You know, the original was pretty good, but what if–and I’m thinking outside the box here–what if we dropped the The?”… Studio Chief: “Barbara! Bring me my giant checkbook, and hurry!”
Month: June 2021
Babe: Pig in the City
More than anything, I dug the imagination, particularly the characters and the settings. It should be noted by many Hollywood assholes that every animal in this film has more charisma and charm than any Bruce Willis character they’ve ever thrown up there.
The Avengers (1998)
Once again, the pricks in Hollywood decided they could sloppily slap together a disjointed, incomprehensible and annoying reel of fecal matter because we are too stupid to expect more. Well, I for one say to Hollywood: FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES.
Avatar
Avatar’s plot is virtually identical to Ferngully, a shit-for-brains, message-heavy kids’ cartoon about pixies who must stop loggers from destroying their rainforest. One human pretends to be a pixie and falls in love with the pixies and discovers how precious their world is.
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
The title character Powers is actually the weakest of Myers’. His skits or character quirks aren’t as funny the second time around. Okay, Mike, we know Austin has bad teeth and a furry chest, show us something else.
Attack of the Clones
If I hadn’t seen the other four Star Wars movies, I would think Attack of the Clones was 90 minutes of shit and 45 minutes of decent movie. Having seen the others, though, I think this one is 90 minutes of shit and 45 minutes of really good movie.
The Art of War
It looks like director Christian Duguay has never seen a lame action sequence he didn’t want to steal. There are plenty of repeats in here, including the parachute jump from the original and bad Mission: Impossible or the bullet traces you can see from The Matrix.
The Aristocrats
The Aristocrats is fucking filthy. It’s as foul, crusty and rank as the crotch of a overused middle-aged whore in the desert. It’s just a God damn nasty movie. And everything this nasty–the Tavern Harelip singing karaoke and those DVDs of retards humping vegetables–has its charms.
The Animal
A lesser Hollywood transgression is The Animal. It’s really hard to write a review about a movie as lame and tame as this, and I’m actually a little sad my retard cousin Larry wouldn’t go see it with me because it’s Chocolate Milk Day at the home. The Animal is just a boring, laughless and plotless mess.
Anger Management
There’re some jokes in there, sure, but not nearly enough. And the ones they included are such retreaded, inconsistent crap that they’re about as funny as a goiter. I’m not sure if I have ever mentioned it before, but this guy Adam Sandler makes some god-awful shitty movies.