74 Lucky Residents Detained for Fun
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Friday, 12 August 2016 22:55

Many more winners expected during Taste of Millbank Festival, promise PuddCorp executives.

Standing before a phalanx of executives from PuddCorp tonight , the Mayor of Millbank announced that 74 people have been taken to PuddCorp’s “Magical Detainment Funzone” during the first day of the Taste of Millbank Festival. Also, he said this has been the most successful Taste Festival in history.

To ensure a peaceful event, the City of Millbank contracted with PuddCorp, a multi-billion dollar industrial conglomerate, to augment the supply of butterscotch pudding served at the festival by residents of the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility. The Downhill’s pudding has always been the most popular item at the culinary festival. In past years, shortages have resulted in rioting, raccoon rampages and intra-family squabbling.

PuddCorp - Pooding OverlordsUnder its contract with the City, PuddCorp is providing its institutional-purpose pudding-substitute “Pooding” to ensure no Millbank resident goes without something that at least tastes similar to butterscotch pudding, and to keep the event peaceful enough that some citizens will remain long enough to try other local culinary delights, such as Adolf’s Irish Pub’s home-pickled eggs, the Out-of-Bounds Saloon’s Head Cheese Chili, and the Kaffee Klatsch’s Pringle’s brand potato chips.

To further ensure a smooth event, PuddCorp provided a private security detail of 44 heavily-armed guards who were sworn in by the Millbank Police chief as temporary officers. PuddCorp also installed the Funzone, which is surrounded by electric and barb wires to prevent people from sneaking in. The PuddCorp guards monitor pudding distribution and identify “fun-lovers” who will receive a free trip to the Magical Detainment Funzone.  A minimum stay within the Funzone is 48 hours, but PuddCorp executives said some people have loved it so much they never came back out.

PuddCorp executives said all 74 current visitors to the Magical Detainment Funzone were highly deserving. However, they would not provide any clues as to how other Millbank residents can win a free ticket. It is estimated that 72 people have received free tickets for unstated reasons, while the remaining two were rewarded for loitering near the festival grounds with banned musical instruments.

The Mayor and PuddCorp said the Funzone has room to accommodate as many “fun-lovers” as they identify. The Mayor asked residents to “Remain calm and non-confrontational during the remainder of the Taste of Millbank Festival, and contantly praise the Pooding so graciously provided by these large men surrounding me.”

PuddCorp executives added, “Or else.”

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Last Updated on Friday, 12 August 2016 23:06
 

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