Pudding Quandary Solved Says City
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Sunday, 17 July 2016 20:44

PuddCorp Manufacturing Facilities

Major Conglomerate Hired to Prevent Pudding-shortage Related Rioting

In an effort to mitigate the risk of butterscotch pudding shortages and rioting during this year’s Taste of Millbank festival, City officials announced they have contracted with PuddCorp International to provide additional supplies during the festival.

Butterscotch pudding is the most popular dish at the annual “Taste in Millbank.” In recent years it has accounted for as much as 80% of all food sales, and 45% of beverage sales.

However, residents of the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility have always handcrafted the pudding in small batches using a closely-guarded recipe that locals call, “The most delicious butterscotch pudding in the world.” It sells out each year, and those who got none have caused vandalism, looting, unnecessary name-calling and issued death threats against the City’s economically-challenged seniors.

The City has been unsuccessful in convincing the Downhill residents to produce more butterscotch pudding, enough for everyone. Some critics claim the seniors enjoy the chaos that ensues when supplies run out, and get out chairs to watch. The seniors have denied and said they sit down, “Because we are tired.”

The City said it had to take steps to prevent a repeat of previous years’ incidents.

Local Downhill pudding maker“Thanks to PuddCorp, there will be no shortages,” said an official Millbank press release. “There will be enough stuff that tastes like butterscotch for everyone.” The release went on to list the qualifications of PuddCorp, a subsidiary of Lead Pipe Industries, including their two million square foot manufacturing facility and their contracts to provide soft desserts to correctional facilities and asylums for the mentally deranged in 47 states. PuddCorp also recently settled several lawsuits. As a result its product must be called “pooding” and can only be referred to as “butterscotch-like.” Also, warning labels must be present to warn those with allergies to peanuts, whey and rat feces of their presence in the pooding.

“We chose PuddCorp because we doubt they’d serve it to America’s prisoners if it weren’t delicious,” said a Millbank spokesman, “And the price! Well, let’s just say it was less than a tenth the cost of the next bid. We think residents will really savor the flavor of a government being good stewards with their tax dollars.”

PuddCorp will bring in over 40,000 gallons of pooding in an open-air semi-truck. The PuddCorp butterscotch-like product will be served throughout the festival, randomly alongside the local handcrafted pudding to prevent residents from getting angry when the Downhill’s supply is expended.

“Pooding and pudding,” said a city spokesman, “people won’t know the difference. This is looking like it will be the best, least violent, Taste of Millbank ever.”

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Last Updated on Sunday, 17 July 2016 21:02
 

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