Anonymous Tip Leads Police to Sticky-Faced Teens
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Saturday, 22 August 2015 11:54

Possible Millbank Butterscotch BanditAs the city sits on the edge of civilian unrest due to pudding shortages and the resulting martial law, Millbank Police responded to an anonymous tip of a standoff between a band of hooligans and armed senior citizens behind the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility on Friday evening. The tipster used a hotline established by the City to help recover more than 800 pounds of butterscotch pudding stolen from the earlier in the week.

The anonymous tipster reported seeing “sticky-faced teens all hopped up on sugar” darting in and out of the Senior Facility and carrying bowls. Police said the tipster sounded like a man, most likely elderly, and with a voice “very similar, if not identical” to Arnold Grateau’s, who lives in a single-story home at 1435 E. Main Avenue.

Responding police officers arrived at the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility at approximately 8:57 p.m. to find approximately ten-to-fifteen teenagers hiding in some bushes and throwing plastic spoons and sporks at four senior citizens with rifles and who kept asking someone to turn on a light so they could see better.

“Obviously, it’s bad situation,” said police chief Vern Howard. . “We have a goal to reduce assaults on our seniors with deadly weapons by six percent this year, and this doesn’t help.” Sporks have been banned by City police as deadly weapons ever since the Incident at the 1987 Mill Family Picnic Jamboree.

“We had the situation under control,” said Phil Sheffley, de facto leader of the armed seniors. “We had reinforcements coming. They were just trying to park their Buicks.”

Chief Howard disagrees and said the City is exploring options to take back the guns that police initially gave the seniors to help combat hooliganism. “It’s just, those people have guns now, so they might shoot us if we try to take them back.”

The standoff was diffused when the seniors left the area to stop Taste of Millbank Festival-goers from misusing pickleball courts for dancing to the inflammatory sounds of rock-oompah band “Boogie Buddies / Dangerous Flannel.”

Police detained and questioned the hiding youth. The official report indicates the youngsters were indeed sticky-faced with a “butterscotch pudding-like substance.” However, there was no evidence of theft, and Downhill residents said every youngster was one of their grandchildren and probably just eating tapioca.

The children were released to their grandparents, who said they would bring them inside “for a treat.” Police continue to search for the missing pudding.

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Last Updated on Saturday, 22 August 2015 12:03

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