Residents Urged to Remain Calm After Pudding Theft
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Wednesday, 19 August 2015 20:30

Editor’s Note: The accompanying photo is an artist’s representation of the alleged pudding thief, based on descriptions provided by residents of the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility.

Pudding BanditCity police are asking residents to, first and foremost, remain calm, and second, to provide any information they may have about the overnight disappearance of more than 800 pounds of butterscotch pudding. The pudding is the entirety of what would have been available for the last four days of the Taste of Millbank Festival. Police hope the dessert treat can be found in edible condition, but said time is of the essence.

The pudding was last seen at the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility, in the kitchen where it is produced. As they do each day, an elite team of Millbank pickleball players arrived at five a.m. to pick up the pudding and deliver it under armed escort to a booth adjacent to the temporary pickleball courts in Ottoman Park. However, when the team arrived, residents of the senior facility reported the pudding had been stolen.

Phyllis Leitner, 82, had been guarding the pudding at the Downhill at the time of its disappearance. She said a man wearing a black-and-white striped turtleneck, black hat, black pants and a black mask tiptoed into the facility and conked her on the head with a blackjack. When she awoke the pudding was gone. Police detectives say the description of the criminal matches that of a man who has reportedly stolen hamburgers in neighboring cities.

“Maybe it was stolen, or maybe they just lost it. They don’t play much pickleball at the Downhill, so they have a lot of dementia,” said Doug “Pickleball Maniac” Sheffley, organizer of the city’s pickleball leagues and self-proclaimed “Supreme Leader” of the City’s roving squads of elderly sharpshooters.

While over 700 pounds of butterscotch pudding has already been consumed at this year’s Taste of Millbank Festival, attendees have quietly complained that its distribution has been strictly regulated and only pickleball players were receiving rations. Many city residents hoped that they might get some after the players had eaten their fill, but the disappearance of the last 800 pounds has dashed hopes and angered many.

Police and the armed senior citizens have vowed to work diligently to find the missing pudding, and urge city residents to remain calm and patient.

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