Millbank Lottery Winner Asks for Anonymity
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   

MILLBANK - With more than eight people in attendance at Ottoman Park, Millbank's Mayor Mr. Sofa Guy ceremoniously pressed four buttons on a laptop computer on Saturday and decided the winner of the 2012 City Lottery.

"Technology," marveled Mayor Mr. Sofa Guy as he pressed the laptop's shiny buttons and pressed his ear close to listen to its hard drive spin. City technicians explained that this was the first year the Lottery had been computerized. City staff spent three weeks manually entering the information from all tickets into the system. Once entered, the City printed out each entry, had an intern select one entry, and then enter the name into the laptop.

"The first three buttons he pressed were just to wake the laptop up. We have it programmed to sleep after eight seconds of inactivity to save the community money."

City legal advisers instructed the mayor not to announce the winner's name before getting permission. Mr. Sofa Guy used a small, handheld phone to call the winner and, afterward, made an announcement to the gathering.

"He, or she, does not wish to have his, or her, name known."

The small crowd applauded the winner's prudent decision.

For the first time in its history, the Millbank Lottery had free tickets in 2012, and no prizes were awarded (see previous article Millbank Lottery to Offer No Prizes). The Lottery's slogan was, "Remember, it's just for fun." The result of the no-cost strategy was the highest number of entries in the contest's history. Even before the drawing, city officials declared it a resounding success.

"The only downside, if you can even call it that, to a free lottery is that no money whatsoever was raised for any good cause," said Councilmember Gary  Shanks, who was present at the drawing "merely as an observer" with his tickets clutched tightly in his hand. "The fact that we won't have money to fix the community pool, the broken sidewalks or fund the volunteer fire department has been more than made up for by all the fun we're having."

"I'm disappointed that I didn't win," continued Shanks. "But I'm also very glad it cost me nothing."

The City insisted the winner's name will remain unknown, despite the threat of a lawsuit from Phil Phletcher, owner of Phil's Palace of Taxidermy. In previous years, Mr. Phletcher has been known to give lottery winners taxidermy prizes that were in addition to the official awards. He claims he has several more to give out this year that will "really start to stink up" his taxidermy shop if not given away soon.

When asked if any information could be revealed about the Lottery winner, Mr. Sofa Guy said, "The only thing I can tell you is that someone in this town will be going to bed tonight a very happy man, or woman."



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