Kids' Letters Found in City Recycle Bin
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Helen Hamilton   
Friday, 19 December 2014 20:34

Every December, area children dream of a jolly red-suited man who grants them  their hearts’ desires. Santa Claus has always been a great favorite in Millbank, even after the Great Flutophone Debacle of 1967. This year, however, the dreams of our youngest residents have been dashed to the ground and then spit upon by cynical and thoughtless Millbank city employees.

Dozens of handwritten letters, many in crayon and embellished with pictures of stick reindeer and pointy pine trees, were found stuffed into a recycling bin in the City Manager’s office on Wednesday. Administrative assistant Samantha Lewis, 32, discovered the crumpled and coffee-stained stash when she fished around in the bin to find some scratch paper. “I was completely shocked and dismayed that this was where the Santa letters ended up. How are they supposed to get to the North Pole from the recycle bin?”

“It’s a darn shame,” said local postmaster Lettie Roe, 39. “The United States Postal Service, while almost superhuman in its capabilities, is powerless in this regard. There’s no way the letters will get to Santa in time now. We’ll just have to cancel Christmas.”

Local reactions ranged from indignation to outrage back to mild annoyance. “They said the letters would get to Santa Claus. The big mailbox said ‘To the North Pole’ on it. I don’t see how it could get much clearer than that,” said Sylvia Trent, 30. “My kids took a lot of care with their letters, and how am I supposed to explain to them that they didn’t make it to Santa? Now I’m going to have to return all those presents and throw out all the cookies I made.”

“There’s no question that this is going to have a negative effect come election time,” proposed resident pundit H.P. Bartlett. “Christmas is big business at local shops such as Lotsa Value Hardware and Super Grocery Mart. Residents demanding refunds for holiday merchandise may cause our local economy to go into a peppermint-scented tailspin. Expect riots in the street, trampled tinsel and fruitcake thrown through windows.”

Despite the dismal predictions from people such as Bartlett, some Millbank citizens are showing the heroic resilience that makes our town a place to live. “Next year, I’ll just text Santa Claus,” said Jilly Trent, 9.

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