Taste of Millbank Suffers No Disaster Yet
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Helen Hamilton   
Tuesday, 19 August 2014 19:27

MILLBANK – Millbank’s biggest and most beleaguered festival has surprised residents and visitors alike by running relatively smoothly this week. Only two people have been treated for injuries since last Friday night when the festival opened, and there have been a smaller number of arrests than usual. Police Chief Howard told The Millbank Daily-Weekly, “We had a little rain earlier in the week and have had to perform a little crowd management for those standing in line for the traditional butterscotch pudding, but no tear gas, rubber bullets or riot gear. This week has been quite the breath of fresh air.”

Best of all, says local food critic Wayne Wayling, “No one has yet been sent to the emergency room for salmonella or E.coli. Really, one couldn’t ask for a nicer festival; The lack of vomiting and explosive diarrhea just really shows Millbank’s town spirit to its best advantage.”

In the past, pudding shortages, raucous hooligans and tensions between rival eateries have imperiled Taste of Millbank, which is traditionally held the third week of August. “All that heat, the crowds, the pressure of being compared to Downhill Moderate Senior Living’s exquisite butterscotch pudding, it’s a recipe for a disastrous food festival, says Wayling. “It’s also a recipe for amoebic dysentery.”

The visitors to Taste of Millbank have uniformly praised the offerings so far. “The butterscotch pudding is sublime – so sweet and creamy,” says Samantha Lewis, 36. “I also tried something from another booth, some sort of sticky candy in a tube. That was pretty good as well. Actually, if you'll excuse me, I might just go and get another one of those.”

The booth in question, Water River Organic Beauty, was handing out free cruelty-free lip balms to anyone who stopped at the booth. “We have natural scents such as pine, musk and kale.” Upon further questioning, the unnamed source said that the kale lip balm was particularly popular, so popular that people would come back for for more multiple times in a day. “Folks in Millbank must have really chapped lips,” said company spokesperson Jen Olsen.

Hopes are running high that this year’s Taste of Millbank will end on a peaceful and satisfied note. “We might have finally gotten it right this time,” hopes Emma Bartlett, one of the festival organizers. “I guess you can say I’d bet a dish of butterscotch pudding on it,” she added, before putting another coat of kale lip balm around her mouth.

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 19 August 2014 19:35

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