New Local Currency Spurs Commerce, Confusion
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Helen Hamilton   
Friday, 11 April 2014 15:04

MillbuckMILLBANK – In an effort to encourage businesses at local shops, restaurants and services, the Millbank Boosters Club has begun to issue “Millbucks” to town residents. “We feel that this is a fun way to support our friends and neighbors who run businesses in this town,” explains Howard Dale Jr. “When you want to buy a coffee and Danish at the Koffee Klatch or a new hammer at Lotsa Value Hardware, just pay with ‘Millbucks’ and show your appreciation for Millbank’s business community.”

At this time, according to reports, neither of those businesses have been approached about accepting Millbank’s new currency. “You can’t just come in here and give me a slip of colorful paper and expect that you get breakfast,” explains Sergio Iturribide, 46, current owner of the Koffee Klatch. “How would they like it, if I just grabbed a gum wrapper off the street and tried to pay my rent or buy shoes for my kids? That’s not what America is all about.”

Some confusion has arisen about the proper use of Millbucks this week. “The other day, Fern Goodbrush tried to stuff some of that funny money into the credit card reader at Pump #5,” recounts Mervin Hoyt, 51, owner and manager of GasCo Gas Mart. “The thing is still broken.” According to Millbank businesses, other problems associated with Millbucks include residents trying to use Millbucks in other towns, and residents trying to use Monopoly money or other toy money instead of Millbucks.

Some residents have complained that Millbucks come in excessively large denominations. “When would I ever spend 500 quadrillion bucks on a hamburger in this town? And the smallest bill is 1 billion dollars. It’s impossible to get change,” says Samantha Lewis, 37. “And, really, who can take money that looks like that seriously? Real money should at least have some arcane Masonic symbols or stern patriarch staring on it.”

“This is the beginning of our Millbucks program,” admits Howard Dale Jr. “and we still have some kinks to work out. But once we do, both civic pride and the convenience of using Millbucks will put a lot of these concerns to rest. Millbucks send the message that Millbank is a fabulous place to do business.”

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Last Updated on Friday, 11 April 2014 15:19
 

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