Alone No More: Millbank Finds New Sister City
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Thursday, 23 May 2013 21:58

The City of Millbank will no longer be alone on this planet. On Tuesday, the Fraternal Order of Moostarians announced the official selection of Sheridan, Wisconsin, as the town’s sister city.

Millbank was previously sister cities with Bergisch, Germany until 2002. However, the international relationship was terminated after a misunderstanding resulted in Millbank sending fourteen unsupervised and underfunded juvenile delinquents to Europe while Bergisch sent the same number of its best students to the States. Millbank officials believed the exchange was not meant to be a reward for the youth, but rather a way to give the youngsters a taste of stern German discipline. The delinquents destroyed sixteen toilets and rode their skateboards inside a historic church before being expelled. Millbank forced the Bergisch youth to stay here until they finished painting city hall.

Recent attempts to find a sister city have proved to be a challenge. The city learned that Interpol keeps a database of undesired sister cities. As a result of the Bergisch incident, Millbank was rejected by Italy, France, Austria, Switzerland, Turkey and Portugal. The United Kingdom did not respond. Uzbekistan contacted city officials, but was mostly interested in having hazardous waste stored and purchasing blue jeans for reduced prices.

Another problem the Moostarians encountered was that many vocal Millbank residents did not want the sister city to be foreign. Some said that the relationship with Bergisch resulted in the town receiving “weird cheese” and “smelly meats” when it expected chocolate and pastries. Also, Europeans tend to be a bad influence on American youth and do not share American patriotic values.

The residents use Chesterburgh Point as an example of what can go wrong. The neighboring town is currently sister cities with Goyang, South Korea, which keeps sending cases of fermented cabbage and strange, hairy dolls to the city’s residents. Because nobody in Chesterburgh speaks Korean, the food and toys are piling up at city hall.

Ultimately, the Moostarians chose Sheridan, Wisconsin because it is far enough away to be exotic, but still American. The city will still have the opportunity to learn about how other people live. For example, prime time television comes on an hour earlier in Sheridan, and the gas stations have different names. But, Millbank and Sheridan will share common values, such as that trucks are important and snails are not good eating.

“If we send them hamburger,” said a Moostarian spokesman, “They’ll probably send hamburger back. And that’s fine with us. Hopefully, they don’t send bratwurst.”

Millbank does not plan to exchange any students with Sheridan. However, if they do, they will do thorough background checks on them, and have a rigorous workplan scheduled before picking the teenagers up at the train station.

The Moostarians said the final step in formalizing the relationship will be to tell Sheridan they were selected, and then ask if they want to be a sister city.

“We hope they say yes.” The Moostarian spokesman said.


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Last Updated on Thursday, 23 May 2013 22:08

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