Tasteless Behavior Disrupts "Taste"
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Helen Hamilton   
Tuesday, 21 August 2012 19:04

MILLBANK – After weeks of defacing private property, rudeness and general hooliganism, local teens are continuing their agenda of malicious behavior and small town terrorism.  It is no wonder that local residents have dubbed the summer of 2012, “The Summer of Hell”.


But “The Summer of Hell” is now burning hotter after local youth intentionally sabotaged the local “Taste of Millbank” festival yesterday.  “Taste of Millbank should be a jewel in our crown, if we had a crown, I mean,” opined Millbank Booster Howard Dale Jr.  “Millbank residents should use this opportunity to support local businesses and spread good cheer throughout the Tri-City area.  Instead, we have irresponsible kids smearing our good businesspeople, and ruining the fun for the rest of us.”


The attack began early in the day with unidentified youths lining up repeatedly for butterscotch pudding offered at the Downhill Moderate Senior Living booth.  “They didn’t have punch cards, but they told us that they had special microchips implanted in their skulls instead,” said senior citizen Tilda Berthen, 78.  “They said we wouldn’t understand this new technology, and they were right.  I have never heard of such a thing.”


The youths then moved on to the Barf Bistro booth, where, instead of lining up for the artisanal tapioca pudding on offer, they made disgusting groaning, retching and splattering noises, which kept festival-goers away.  “So much of one’s dining experience comes from ambience, and those kids effectively ruined the experience for every person who came close to the booth.  Thanks a lot, kids, you have deprived your community of an exquisite culinary experience,” railed Edward Barf, chef at Barf Bistro.


“Yes, the puking sounds were really realistic,” admits Police Chief Vern Howard.  “Unfortunately, there is no law against making those sorts of noises in a public place.”  After the public outcry, the police spoke to the youths, but then released them on their own recognizance.  “We cannot arrest Ben Thorstaad or Danny Szwecja, but we can certainly speak to their folks,” continued the police chief.  “Kids will be kids, I guess.”


That conclusion is not good enough for the local vendors who participated in Millbank’s premier food festival.  Mr. Barf vowed to prevent this sort of fiasco for next year’s festival.  “We just have to take steps to keep that sort of riff-raff out of the downtown area.  Perhaps we can put them to good use in some sort of labor program or chain them in someone’s basement for the we

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