Don't Wait to Bring In Your Dead
Local Business - Announcements
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Thursday, 21 February 2013 19:40

Phil’s Palace of Taxidermy will introduce an innovative pricing structure as part of its annual Dead Animal Thawtacular. The Palace hosts the Thawtacular late each winter as an opportunity for Millbank residents to bring in deceased creatures of all sizes and shapes before the weather warms and they begin to decompose into amorphous heaps of fur and bone.

“Bring ‘em in frozen and we’ll make ‘em pretty,” said Phil. “Bring ‘em in thawed and they’ll look awful sh--well, you know.”

Phil explained that the best taxidermy comes from well preserved, frozen dead animals. Once temperatures rise and creatures thaw, he can still stuff them, but he cannot guarantee they will look whole and healthy. And they will probably smell worse.

Phil announced that as part of this year’s Thawtacular, pricing will more directly reflect the quality of the service provided. Three distinct levels will be available: Friends, Lovers and Presidential.

The Friends Package will include stuffing and preservation guaranteed to last one year, pro-rated after three months. Stuffing materials may include newspaper and cardboard and eyes are the googly kind bought in bulk from the craft store. No expensive preservation fluids are used.

Said Phil: “This is an elegant, affordable taxidermy you may choose for, say, a dead hamster, or a cat you hardly knew. Most people won’t even notice the lower quality materials used, at least for a few months.”

The Lovers Package is a premium product with a five-year guarantee, pro-rated after three years. Phil said, “This is what I’d use on those I love the most, say an old family horse, a bear who saved your life or a trophy fish. Anything you want to wake up years from now and see with all its limbs and eyes still attached. It’s just that good.”

Phil said that the Lover Package adhered to 83% of Taxidermy Association guidelines. He would not elaborate on which guidelines were not followed, stating with a wink, “Trade secrets.”

The Presidential Package is Phil’s most expensive package. It is so named because Phil uses the same high-quality materials he would use to stuff a president of the United States. “Not that we stuff our presidents,” said Phil, “but if we did, and I think about this a lot, it would have to be really good. No googly eyes.”

The Presidential Package is guaranteed for 25 years and includes Styrofoam and resin stuffing, genuine fur and handcrafted glass eyes. Fur and skin is lacquered and teeth are preserved. He said the results are museum quality, but so lifelike you may want to keep that dead animal close to you. Odors are removed so that the animal does not smell delicious to other animals.

“We expect a lot of new business with this pricing because there’s something for everyone, be they Friends, Lovers or Presidents,” said Phil. “Our old pricing was a little confusing because we charged the same price no matter what quality you got. Some people’s animals lasted a year, others five years. When they left the store, we never knew. Now we do.”

Phil’s Palace of Taxidermy Dead Animal Thawtacular is on now through March 31. His store is located on Chaise Street, next to Gary’s Pet Emporium.


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