Annual Gala Manages Not to Get Anyone Killed
Arts and Entertainment - Arts and Entertainment
Written by Helen Hamilton   
Saturday, 21 February 2015 20:23

MILLBANK – After last year’s Satin and Spurs debacle, gala organizer Emma Bartlett vowed to make the 2015 fundraising occasion as inoffensive as possible. “Runaway cattle and dirty hobos are not appropriate at a sophisticated social function,” says Ms. Bartlett. “Not even in Millbank.”

Ms. Bartlett and the other members of the Gala Committee spent months in order to determine what sort of celebration would attract the cream of Millbank society, while not allowing anything to go wrong. “We did months of interviews with members of the social elite,” explains Mandy Mills, vice-chair of the Gala Committee. The results were not exactly heartening, she reports. “We learned that the top five pasttimes of our finest Millbankians were as follows: eating butterscotch pudding, protecting garden ornaments from hooligans, playing ‘Bejeweled’, hitting garage sales and attending community theater performances. It didn’t give us much to build on, I can tell you that much,” said Ms. Mills with a sigh.

It was only once the committee began planning in earnest that the full scope of the challenge hit them. “Okay, if we went with a “serve-yourself-butterscotch-pudding-buffet”, that would be popular, but that might also cause spills, or someone’s insulin would spike, or perhaps even fighting would break out if we ran low. Even something seemingly harmless can turn into a nightmare,” said Ms. Bartlett.

“We needed something that people would attend without riling them up in any way or causing any upsets.” And that is how this year’s gala consisted of handing every attendee a sippy cup of filtered water, then playing the entire box set of “American Pickers” for the assembled guests. The sippy cups were collected at the end of the evening. “No spills!”

“It wasn’t exciting,” admits Ms. Bartlett, “but no one went to the hospital or sued anyone else. Next year, we might even make it simpler and just Skype it all. That way, everyone can just stay home in their jammies.”

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